Wicked
Hope
Sneak Peek
(Unedited)
Haunted
She’s
crying in her sleep again. I didn’t even know that was humanly possible. Most
nights she just mumbles and whines, but tonight there are actual tears
glistening in the moonlight. I watch as moisture slides down the side of her cheek.
I long to brush it away, to lean in and hold her close as she cries for me, but
I can’t. She knows I’m here, but she can’t feel me. I can’t feel her either
and if I wasn’t already a dead man, it would kill me.
Dying sucks. One minute you’re looking into the eyes of the
woman you love—shocking, blue pools of ice staring down at you, and the next
you’re standing next to her, looking down onto your own empty body. I’m the
soul of the man I used to be, a wisp of humid air that sometimes moves her hair,
but that’s all I am, and until forever is over, that’s all I’ll ever be.
Death is not a journey, it’s a prison. One where you can see
and hear everything around you, but you can’t respond. There’s no laughter,
there’s no joy, just an unmistakable ache that isn’t painful…an ache that lies
upon your unmoving heart and settles into your stomach. If it weren’t for
Thaddeus I’d go mad. I’d run the hallways of Mage’s home marking the path with
ungodly screams that no one could hear. I’d beat upon the furniture and watch
as it didn’t dent. I know these things because I’ve broken before. I’ve run the
halls screaming and beat against the walls, but the walls don’t move and the people
don’t blink. I’m nothing but a watcher of her and my soul is altered every time
she cries for me.
I spend most nights on the balcony outside of Mage’s room.
Sometimes when the moonlight hits my hands the right way they look
touchable. My fingers look strong again
and not like iridescent strands of clouded air. It makes me feel real, keeps me
hanging on for just one more hour. Sleep
doesn’t exist for me anymore and some nights I watch the moonlight on my hands
until the dawn peeks through and I become sheer again.
That was the kind of night I had. And now, as the morning
light slips through the lofty oaks surrounding the house, I know my living
moment is dying.
